February 2, 2012

I just had a realization! It's only one hundred years until the year 2112, the year of the classic Rush album!

In other news, I've come to a point in my life where I'm pressured by society to grow up and become a responsible adult, and lately it's become very apparent that I haven't quite been ready to meet those expectations. Does that make me lazy? So far I've had a hard time with organizational skills as well as getting motivated and focusing on schoolwork or even getting interested in schoolwork, especially considering I haven't had much of a social life before high school and since becoming more social, I've been taking all the friends and socialization I can get and that became a priority for me. That's when I met Zachary, one of my best friends now. He personified the stereotypical artist. He was seen as lazy by society, but in actuality, he was working on his craft and working on being a better human being because of it. He didn't fit into a school or work environment, but he realized that quickly and focused on his art and learned all he needed to know in life from life rather than an institution and it served him well so far. With me, I was never much of a slacker until now. Why now? Is it because I want a social life? Is it because I thought once I was done with high school, I was done with schooling? Is it because I'm simply not wired for University? Is it because even though I understand music in great detail I have no clue about music theory? Maybe it's because I decided to become a music student when I've only been playing guitar for four years at the time and everyone else has been playing every instrument all their lives?

It could be any of those reasons, really. To be fair though, I'm only 21 years old, I'm still young. I've had two steady jobs in my life. My first one lasted two years, then it took me three years until I found my next one, which lasted only two months, but I got more shifts per week out of it anyways. I haven't been able to find a job since. I always hand out as many resumes as I can, get a call from only one place, go to the interview as said place, and never hear back from them, not even freaking McDonald's! There are four things I know I'm good at; cooking, playing video games, playing guitar, and remembering otherwise useless information about music, or guitars, or films, or games, or even food, and so far I haven't had a job which requires much of any of those things. I've only ever washed dishes.

Part of me blames myself for not working hard enough in my formative years. Schoolwork came easy to me in Elementary and Jr. High, so since then, I felt like life was a free ride as long as I could use my own mind to my advantage. That said, there were a lot of things that never came easy to me, like physical activity, or music theory, or women. Guitar came easy to me in Jr. High and high school, yet piano still doesn't come easy to me.

In the end no one is really to blame. As my friend Zachary told me, working on the skills you do have isn't at all lazy, and I shouldn't be ashamed if it takes me a little longer to get settled. Everyone works at their own pace. After honing my skills playing guitar and singing and even playing harmonica, it took me about six years to get two band auditions as a singer and both times I had to leave abruptly due to school. Then I joined Whiskey Rose. I picked up my half brother's bass and took it to the audition, and I was not very skilled at it, but I picked along, held down the rhythm, and followed the chord changes and became an official member, and now I love bass! I made sure that I made time for the band and made sure the band knew my work and school schedules and it's worked out ever since! So working on the skills I had have paid off!

I still have lots of things to work on in becoming an adult. I need to build study habits, practice habits for my instruments and voice, becoming more physically active, eating habits, learning to drive, paying the bills, keeping a steady job and not caving under pressure, learning to live on my own, and especially socializing. In the end though, as much as there is pressure from society, I realize that I have to work at my own pace, because society can't change my life, I have to!